It’s that time of the week:
Taxed for your protection.
There is a reality sweeping our beautiful nation that must be realized, and accepted. We are not capable of taking care of ourselves. As discussed before, many of us (specifically non-college grads or attendees) are barely qualified to tie our shoes let alone raise a family or make a respectable living. Without someone stepping in and guiding us lost souls down the path of America’s dream, we would be doomed to perish. We should all be thankful for the helping hand we receive on daily basis from our saviors, protectors, and heroes; the government. A bad reputation is constantly passed to these men and woman who consistently and tirelessly have nothing but our best interest in mind. They battle constant criticism from the evil liberal/right-wing/nut job/conservative media that pushes their anti-establishment/anti-religion/anti-republican and/or anti-democrat agenda on the unsuspecting public. If it was not for our leaders in government, at both a state and federal level, insanity would surely ensue.
Now that I have so openly negated any potential bias, left me share with you the latest plan our heroes have devised to save the public that is slowing killing itself with ignorance. It has come to our attention that over consumption of “sugary” beverages such as “soft drinks” or “energy drinks” is the leading cause of obesity in the United States. One may argue that a distinct lack of exercise coupled with a poor diet over all would lead to obesity, but they would be wrong. The reality is that the “empty calories” that make up said beverages is why it happens and there is only one solution to eradicate the stranglehold that is squeezing around the throat of America. Slap an 18% tax onto the beverages and BAM! Problem solved. The logic runs like this: all people who drink “Sugary Beverages” (or Soda, for short) are obese and only poor people can be obese. Therefore, if the tax makes soda unaffordable for the poor people, they will not drink it and therefore the nation’s obesity epidemic will be solved. It is the same principles that were applied to that nasty habit of smoking. Once cigarettes (which are only smoked by the impoverished) were taxed so much that they could not possibly be purchased without extreme sacrifice (i.e. child support, rent, food, etc.) people simply quit smoking. The best part of this logical plan devised by our nation’s smartest officials is that this very tax can then be used to fund our nations crumbling health care programs. Truly, it is a win-win situation.
I can already hear the uproar that there is too much tax on goods as it is, or that you can’t tax a problem away. Obviously, if this were the case then why would it be happening? We are all intelligent beings, and we all most certainly participate in the voting process, therefore we have nothing to worry about. Our consistent involvement as a community in the inter workings of our elected government assures that everything done is in our best interest. What else would they have to gain other than the respect of their peers and the knowledge that the decisions they make are positively impacting their constituents; the people they care the most about. It is this very same love and care that our officials hold that allows them to guide us through our lives as Middle Americans like the back of a mother’s dress guiding her child through the grocery store. Join me as I thank our government for another job well done, for everyday, they are America.
